The Lost Love

I still remember the first time you took my hand. You gave me two extra squeezes afterward.

The first time you put your arms around me while we were sleeping. Your hand grazed my thighs and went up my back.

The the first kiss. You grabbed me. A night of intense passion that I have never recovered from.

These moments should always be remembered, but somehow they got lost in the midst of all the bad memories. I guess my lesson learned is to never hold the negative against anybody, and just remember the good.

The One

“I wanna say thank you for giving me everything I always wanted. A love to consume me, and passion, and adventure. There’s nothing more I could ever want than for it to last forever, but it can’t…” Elena, The Vampire Diaries

Most of us have at least had one big love in our lifetimes. We spend all our lives being taught that we will get married when we become adults, have families, and lead a fairly generic life.

I grew up believing in this so called fairy tale of a life. But my life didn’t end up that way. I nearly died in my early twenties, I ended up being gay, and I’ve accomplished a great deal on my own.

In the midst of everything, I found love. I saw him, and things never were the same again. It was a whirlwind courtship, and I am not sure where it began and where it end. Only recently did we both decide to rid our lives of one another. I do miss him, but I don’t want him back. I am not mad or upset over anything. I was given a love that I had always dreamed of. I got exactly what I asked for.

But now that it is over, I have lost touch with who I am. I am easily bored, and not really interested in much anything beyond doing the things I need to do to make sure I am taken care of. I don’t even know where to start when it comes to dating.

In the midst of all this however, I have found joy. I have accepted my imperfections. I have come to love the scars that cover parts of my body. I have become proud of my accomplishments, and have found a self-worth that I never had before. So where do I go from here? I do not know. I’ve decided to devote the rest of this year to getting to know who I am. Find out what gives me passion, and what do I truly enjoy doing.

In

The fires of passion

This week a long running aspect between Uranus and Jupiter perfects. Tomorrow, June 22, 2015, Uranus will trine Jupiter. Uranus will be sitting at 20 degrees Aries and Jupiter will be at 20 degrees Leo.

Uranus, the planet that brings change is in a friendly aspect to Jupiter, the planet of luck. I am hopeful that this aspect will bring change for the greater good. Fire signs tend to be the more passionate astrological signs, so under this aspect or the days following it, we may see the U.S. Supreme Court issue a ruling in favor of nationwide same-sex marriage.

This trine between Uranus and Jupiter is ironically taking place right on top of my natal Jupiter. Uranus is currently conjunct my natal Jupiter at 20 degrees aries, and Jupiter is trining my natal Jupiter. There has been some upheavel in my life in the past weeks, but the upheavel has brought in the greater good.

If you are experiencing some change in your life, all towards the greater good, tell me about it in the comments box below.

Objectify my body

Most people who no me either say I am a prude or just down right picky. I often swim against the tide when it comes to social norms. For example, my generation is big into “hookups” or otherwise known as casual sex. I’ve always viewed casual sex as a primitive act. To me, sex is about opening up your soul and baring it to your partner. I am aware of how structured and rigid I can be, so for a while I had this mentality that I would let myself experience things that others found joy in.

I had a casual sex friend, well, a casual oral sex friend. To make a long story short, he is a curious “straight” male who has a feitish for going down on guys. He would harass me for days on end, and I would finally let him blow me to get him to leave me alone. Finally after years and finally telling myself that all I was to this man was an object of his sexual desires, I finally broke off contact with him.

The lesson here for whomever is reading: you are not just an object. You are a beautiful person with a lot of offer somebody. Do not allow yourself to become somebody’s tool. A quick easy climax is not a substitute for love. Love yourself. If you love yourself, you will bring more love into your life.

Saturn Retrograde – are we out of the woods yet?

In my natal chart, I was born with Saturn in Sagittarius, in my seventh house. These past few years, Saturn had been in Scorpio, and prior to that, Libra.

Long ago, I had viewed Saturn as a much more friendlier planet. When Saturn moved out of Libra in 2012 and into Scorpio, I was joyous and filled with a hope that my life would be filled with more joy. I was wrong.

Saturn is like a magnet, whichever area of the chart it is transiting, it will magnetize and make you work on that part of your chart. Saturn in Scorpio delved into my psyche. I became a heavy drinker, I dabbled in many illegal substances. I found a false sense of happiness. I wont even get into my pseudo relationship that I had at the time. That will be another blog post for another day.

Saturn moved into Sagittarius in December 2014, and once again I held a false hope that I would find some joy and happiness for my life. After all, my seventh house is in Sagittarius. The sevent house is the house of partnerships. I’m not even sure if I want another partnership in my life, but Saturn will eventually eventually hit that part of my chart and make me work on my relationships.

Saturn in Sagittarius is about finding your joy. It wants to help you. But so far my adventures with Saturn in Sagittarius has been nothing but a profound boredom with everything in my life. So far I have identified things that do not bring me joy.

Saturn will retrograde back into Scorpio in the next week or so, and we will go back into the swamp. I’m not sure if I am really wanting to go back into the swamp and drown for another three months, but I guess that is better than the profound boredom I have thusfar experienced with Saturn in Sagittarius.

More of my astrology rants later. Thanks for reading.

Hello world!

I will try to post things that everyone can relate to.